I'll have one relationship on the rocks, please.

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No one really wants an unhealthy relationship. Instead of uplifting and motivating us, bad relationships stress and burden us. Breaks can help a relationship grow or they can be sorry excuses for a true breakup. Several articles seem to suggest that breaks help couples communicate, which is an unfortunate and perhaps even unhealthy perspective for a relationship. If taking a break can benefit a relationship, however, how many breakups does it take to realize that your relationship is unhealthy?

Initial feelings after a breakup can drive us insane and even make us seem schizophrenic. Relief, joy, anger, loneliness, rejection, hurt and sadness can be confusing. It's important, however, to take a step back and really take a break from relationships, rebound flings, emotional outbursts on Facebook and Twitter and evaluate what's good for us. What's even more important is that we steer clear of talking ourselves back into a relationship with the ex because it was affirmation that we could be and are worthy of love and acceptance.

Cosmo's take on a second chance at love--the same love--provides rather reliable tips about how to approach the relationship again. Can a Relationship Work the Second Time Around? advises lovers to "go slow," "touch on the past" "and then move on."


Similarly, Is It Time For A Relationship Break?, What Does “Taking a Break” in a Relationship Mean? and Taking a Break to Help your Relationship suggest that a break can definitely help strengthen a bond, but what they don't consider are relationships that are on the rocks because of an unhealthy relationship disease and a healthy time frame for breaks (which will be discussed further below).

The lack of research on this topic and personal experience leads me to challenge the notion that breaks are good for a relationship. If breaks are supposed to help individuals reassess their needs and priorities (even if it doesn't implicate the relationship itself), push the individuals to grow and strengthen the bond, then people might start viewing breaks as a good thing. Usually (not always) when breaks occur, it's because one or both persons in the relationship is unhappy and needs time to think things through. If these breaks are occuring at least twice a month, then how is a relationship truly healthy?


One break may be able to fix things if both individuals are invested and seek the advice and reshaping they need for a better relationship. After five or six, I'd say give it a rest and move on.


If one break occurs for the relationship to air out and breathe, shouldn't there be a spoken agreement that the break is temporary, both persons are still exclusive and the plan is to get back together? This is because individuals may cheat if they feel like their partner is taking advantage of them and the relationship by having a temporary breakup. Why not? They are single for the moment and things may not even work out. And if the couple is merely taking a breather, why not just keep the relationship intact and simply spend a day or two apart? This makes it seem like breaks are established so that individuals can go out and explore with something or someone to fall back upon.


Ultimately, I think breaks might work for the select few but are generally bad for relationships because they are unnecessary if a couple simply wants to improve their relationship or have a day or two apart. It doesn't take a break to communicate about improvements or changes that need to be made, nor does it require a break to spend a weekend away with one's family. If someone needs a long break from a relationship or his or her partner, I must question his or her motives.


How many breaks do you take?