PDA etiquette part 1: Drizzle the physical and verbal compliments… not pour!

Photo taken by Elaine Y.
PDA alert: Chris and I caught at a celebration.

Couples bursting with so much love (or is it lust?) who have passersby covering their children’s eyes muttering profanities are annoying.

As students, we’ve seen couples on couches or benches slobbering all over each other, especially as students. As shoppers, we’ve seen couples groping each other at the mall. As citizens who utilize public transportation, we’ve had eyefuls of couples getting handfuls on the bus, max or subway.

Public display of affection, better known as PDA, is a right. And like any right, it can be abused.

Yes, PDA is a way for couples to keep their relationship fresh and exciting. After all, if you can’t get to a rooftop to shout your love, the next best thing might be to show people how much you adore your partner. Or is it?

Korin Miller’s article “The PDA moves that guys secretly crave” from the latest issue of Cosmo (April 2011) discussed the do’s and don’ts, the when’s and where’s of how to respectfully express PDA.

But rather than focusing on what guys want, it’s important to look at what’s acceptable, respectful and desired by both individuals in a relationship. The article is still valuable in how PDA can benefit a relationship.

Miller noted that couples who showed each other affection in public have more satisfying relationships that those who don’t.

According to couples therapist Scott Haltzman, MD, displays of affection make individuals feel special and adds a layer of excitement.

The excitement could be paired with the buzz of a new relationship or the new-couple feeling, which Miller notes is why PDA is so important. PDA can resurrect a relationship and even evoke emotions that balance out the stress of being together for too long.

Abbi Sigler, columnist for University of Virginia’s The Cavalier Daily wrote, “It seems that PDA becomes milder as the length of relationship increases. Making out becomes just holding hands. Long passionate kisses become small pecks.”

Because relationships can grow dull, it is important that couples liven up their relationship with a little bit of thrill during outdoor adventures before returning home.

There are, however, approaches to PDA that are cringe-worthy and appropriate. So how do we go about doing it right?

First, it is important to understand the three common types of PDA that Miller notes: Show love with light touches: While in line for a concert, lighting run your fingernails up and down your partner’s arm; brush your fingers with your partner’s fingers while walking alongside each other; lightly caress your partner’s hand during dinner; lightly nuzzle your partner’s neck at a movie.

Show support with stronger contact: Squeeze your partner’s hand before a big, stressful event like meeting the parents; momentarily press the small of your partner’s back at a company event.

Show lust with drawn out, wild and in-the-moment touches (while still showing self-control, mind you): Press your body against your partner’s while he or she orders a drink at the bar; stroke your partner’s thigh under the table at a restaurant.

Understand, however, that obnoxious groping and fondling is inappropriate, especially if it interrupts passersby, but most importantly if it impairs your ability to function coherently. Use Wedding Crashers, for example. In a particular scene, Vince Vaughn’s character received an obnoxious under-the-dinner-table play that cheapened both his and the woman’s adult maturity value. Keep it light and discreet, not heavy and desperate.

As Miller suggested, the touches should be gentle enough to convey the message that you’re enjoying each other’s company but give him or her something to look forward to.

Second, physical attention gets the job done quickly, Miller also notes how verbal PDA—whispers—can do some (awesome) damage.For ladies who aren’t quite ready to explore the PDA realm, Cosmo’s Matt Christensen advises you to try these safe-but-sure-to-work PDA moves on your man: the arm lock, the stealth caress, the whisper and the ass grab.

Though he doesn’t touch upon men with shy ladies who aren’t quite comfortable with PDA, I say stick with the subtle and romantic. Try a kiss to her cheek and occasionally her hand; lightly brush your hand down her back; when standing behind her, rest your hands on her hips and pay attention to her reactions as you brush your hands up to her ribcage and back down to her hips. It’s important to listen to your partner’s body and comply, giving just enough but not indulge them too much in the moment.

PDA doesn’t have to be raunchy. When approached with finesse and maturity, it can be a sexy form of foreplay that may seem like minimal affection to others, but a preview only the two of you know about.

It’s okay to have fun, but be aware and respectful of your surroundings.

Where have you seen PDA abused? How do you respond?